Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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