why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
