Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
