omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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