i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
