Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
