That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
