Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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