FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
