i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
