I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
even my farts smell like vagina
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
