I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
