Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
