My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
