Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
