We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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