Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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