I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
