I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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