I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
