I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
