I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
