you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
