i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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