We're like a lot better than the average bears
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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