Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
