who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
