Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
