My nipple is on Facebook.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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