Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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