I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
