omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
