wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I looked at my own cervix.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
