there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
