Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
