I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
