and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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