youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
did you just send me my own nude
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
