just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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