final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
