ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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