so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
