I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
