I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
