David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
