Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
