I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
