I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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