He uses pillows to masturbate.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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