So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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