there were more penises there than on chat roulette
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
NoShamevember. You game?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
