apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize