U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
