a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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