I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
