When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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