i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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