What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
