He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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