You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
