I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
