everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
