If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
