Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
