there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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