My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you will always have a special place in my vag
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
