WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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