I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
