Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize