that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i now understand why vodka
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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