He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
