There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
