is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
