You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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