you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
