In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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