chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
