I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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