so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
