Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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