If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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