Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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