I want to stick my p in your. b.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
