Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
