I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
