Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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