I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh god it's open bar.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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