In the future we'll all be gay
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
