Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
