So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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