3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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