the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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