Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
