3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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