What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
