i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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