Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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