dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
