remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
