At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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