You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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