That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
