Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
