I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize