I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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