He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
