I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
